Dude, make up your mind

Some random Englishman is upset when Americans ape European soccer traditions and he’s upset when they deviate from them.

There’s the curious obsession with ‘tifo’—those enormous banners that are unfurled in stadiums before kickoff. They work at Lazio, Bayern Munich or Boca Juniors. At Real Salt Lake, not so much.

These soccer snobs are so intent on maintaining an aura of authenticity that when they make a slip-up or use an incorrect or ill-advised term, I feel compelled to pounce on them with all the force of a Roy Keane challenge.

There’s no such position as outside back! (It is fullback.) The rest of the world doesn’t call them PKs! (It is penalties. Just penalties.)

I hope it makes him feel better to know that the only thing I know about the World Cup is that Mexico’s goalie is a machine with crazy hair.

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