Best Diet Plan I've ever heard

And so scientific too!

It’s only fattening if you think about the calories! You see, the calories don’t actually appear in the food you’re eating unless you are trying to diet. You see, in reality, calories exist as both a fattening particle, and as a nonfattening wave. When you pick up the food and you are thinking to yourself “Gee, I really shouldn’t eat this or it’ll go straight to my waist!” then you cause the calorie-probability wave to collapse and the evil calorie particles appear in what you’re eating. Sort of like a Schrodinger’s Cat, only involving chocolate and cheesecake and ice cream instead.

By TwoDragons from the comment section of The Emperor’s site.