Not So Fast

MacGyver’s boss died. He should have used duct tape.

The whales do.

The State Police are here now demostrating, um, how to measure skid marks or something like that, to the Jr. Highers, so this is sorta relevant. We never had stuff like this when I was in Jr. High.

via Fark

Carnival of Tomorrow

Maybe no one cares about the Michael Jackson trial. We can dream.

I got my new The Aquabats album! I’ll live blog a review as soon as I get back from my run. Stay tuned.

Oooh! Two free trading cards! Collect them all! Song titles by Yahoo!

1. Now Stand Back For Your Own Safety! I feel safe.
2. Fashion Zombies! Classic Aquabats. Nice synth. Heh. Looking for love in all the wrong places.
3. Stuck in a Movie! – I miss the brass. Was that you in the Soviet submarine?
4. Tiger Rider vs. The Time Sprinkler! – Um, scary. I don’t get what you are trying to say to me through this song. Ride the lightning?
5. Nerd Alert! – Mario! The revolution has begun.
6. Plastic Lips! – Society places too much emphasis on the perfection of the human form, to the point that we lose our humanity. Deep. I’m going to say that was straight up punk, not really ska.
7. Look At Me (I’m A Winner)! – Um, mocking construction workers that listen to 94.5 isn’t a good idea guys. Catchy though. Also not even close to ska.
8. Hot Sumer Nights (Won’t Last Forever)! Ah, back to the love story ska. World’s stupidest boy loses girl and she moves to Alaska to study glacier patterns along with her identical sister and identical cousin and Francine.
9. Meltdown – Meh.
10. Mechanical Ape! – the Mojo Jojo of music.

Mmm. Smoothie break. My recipe: 3 heaping tablespoons of frozen orange juice concentrate, handful of frozen fruit, today blueberries, vanilla flavored powdered health powder (1/2 tsp of vanila extract works too), enough water or milk to let it flow. I tried adding a couple of coffee beans today. Didn’t work, too gritty. Maybe if I grind them first.

11. Demolition Rickshaw! Heh. This is hilarious. Fury of the Aquabats worthy.
12. Waterslides! – Um, was that Sting? Wow, that was different.
13. Awesome Forces! – New theme song eh? The average ordinary superhuman punishers of evil rock and roll band! Nice.

Better than The Aquabats vs. The Floating Eyeball of Death and Myths, Legends and Other Amazing Adventures 2. Better produced than The Return of the Aquabats, but not as clever. And it can’t touch The Fury of the Aquabats which just plain rocks. It’s most like Floating Eyeball of Death, I think. I give it 3 1/2 out of 5 on the first listen.

UPDATE: Upon futher listening, to give the catchiness a chance to catch, I’m going to give it a 4/5.

Do they want us to send scotch tape or something?

via i am always right

Nooooooo.

Goes to the guy that keeps a mamba as a pet!

Clay nanobuilders coming soon.

Worth it just for the style.

Brown is black!

Putting the work into work.

Jesus understands what you are going through.

via Fark

Actually, I don’t give the UN a thought from one week to the next. Even if I’m thinking about worldwide political problems, as I do so often. Matter of fact, I’ve solved all the world’s problems. In my head. In case I ever TAKE OVER THE WORLD (direct audio link)!

I have no idea what this is all about.

The CDC can let the Department of Agriculture solve the unhealthy school lunch part of the obesity problem.

Create panic concering school lunches. Parents make kids lunches. Problem solved.

The CDC, which stands for Center for Disease Control, is studying obesity in West Virginia. Shouldn’t they be searching for a Ebola cure or something?

Americans are more neurotic than ever.

Everyone wants their money back.

New Sharp awesomeness.

Scrappleface has been on a roll lately. You should go read it.

Wanna see more Hawaiian floweredy shirts in one place than you thought possible? Calvary Chapel’s Pastors Conference.

Marathon course was a mile too long. How could they not notice? That’s like an extra 10 minutes of running. Or, six if you are, you know, good.

via Fark

Iran harbors terrorists!

Some perspective.

via Instapundit, who has more.

Ben Stein isn’t too happy with Mark Felt.

Ah. I love those days when it’s lunchtime before I get to my actual work instead of putting out fires. And by love I mean have turned into a seething mass of irritation.

That’s going to be great! Three movies at the movie theatre in one year. Whew, my life is a whirlwind of thrills!

If life is just going too well for you, think about a Chicken Flu pandemic.

I may not agree with much he says, but Ted Turner is right.

“I would like to see us to return to a little more international coverage on the domestic feed and a little more environmental coverage, and, maybe, maybe a little less of the pervert of the day,” he said in a speech to CNN employees outside the old Atlanta mansion where the network first aired.

Maybe not so much about the environment, but the pervert of the day thing has to go.

Free Doughnuts at Krispy Kreme tomorrow! Mmmm, doughnuts!

via Fark

Spelling Bee contestant knocked out by toughest word evar.

I thought they were plums when I grabbed them at the grocery store. And they taste just like a plum. The flesh is a little redder than a plums, but other than that, I don’t get the apricot influence. Perhaps more research is needed.

UPDATE: Okay, the second one definitely had apricoty texture. Still tasted plum-like though.

All the important stuff from the bigwig conservative sites on one page.

So handy.

01110011011011110010000001101000011000010110
111001100100011110010000110100001010

Use your cellphone to test for color blindness. These people need jobs.

Putting the work in gaming. I see Tai-Bo for Playstation on the horizon.

To infinity and beyond!

If beans on toast for breakfast is what it takes to be smart, just call me Dumbo. The backup is “wholemeal toast with Marmite”. Yeah, that’s so much better.

This is interesting:

“Just make sure you avoid junk food, and especially highly processed goodies such as cakes, pastries and biscuits, which contain trans-fatty acids.These not only pile on the pounds, but are implicated in a slew of serious mental disorders, from dyslexia and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) to autism.”

via EO

I’m sure this wasn’t a secret to those whom this sort of thing is important to, but why did the Times run this?

Behind a surprisingly thin cover of rural hideaways, front companies and shell corporations that share officers who appear to exist only on paper, the C.I.A. has rapidly expanded its air operations since 2001 as it has pursued and questioned terrorism suspects around the world.

via Lileks

More

Okay, be forthright if you must, but not so obviously.

Computers that can adjust their hardware. Smart, very smart.

So, now we know who Deep Throat is. This changes EVERYTHING!

I’m no fair-trade idiot, but how bad must working conditions be if they violate Chinese law?

Exactly what I was going to say. Well, except for the fair-trade idiot part.

Rumors of the next Star Trek movie. I knew they couldn’t stop.

If you aren’t quite ready to get back to work today.

All you wanted to know on the EU referendum vote and more.

So relaxing.

Long, but interesting.

Hillary won’t be running for President.

Remember? Of course, intentions change.

7-Up is giving away a trip to space. I haven’t had Cherry 7-Up since high school. I think I’ll go give it a try.

Sad, and hilarious! Don’t let the kids see it. They’ll either cry or go try it.

What is crazy, really?

They’re going to let the market sort it out. Why can’t they all just get along?

I’m no ecologist or oceanographer, but wouldn’t sucking all that cold water off the bottom of the ocean on a large scale change the overall temperature of the ocean, thereby contributing to whatever ecological disasters warmer oceans cause?

Monday, May 30th will be the first annual running of the I Work On Sundays 5k. No t-shirts for finishers, no water stations, no first aid, no timing chips, no cheering crowds, no organization at all. The course will start in front of 24 Hour Fitness, go down 3rd and follow the Centennial Trail east and loop back. Probably 8AM-ish.

For more information, please use your imagination.

The Future Nerds of America held their annual competition.

From Reason.

I look forward to McCain proposals on the allowable curvature of hockey sticks in the NHL, the length of NBA shorts, and the type of shoelaces in the NFL. Finally, a man who knows what’s important and gets things done!

I hope he goes for the long gangsta style basketball shorts. Those 70’s short shorts were appalling.

I want to try these.

Voyager has left the Solar System.

I understand why glasses are so expensive, since they’re made out of those rarest of substances, wire and glass.

Also, plastic. I’ve been debating getting new glasses lately myself but my old ones aren’t quite broken enough yet to justify the expense.

Scientists discover sarcasm.

Well, I’m switching computers today. Wish me luck.

UPDATE: Ridiculously easy except for the part where the driver to get on the internet was missing, making it impossible to get on the internet to get it.

Or, how I spent my day and learned to love nails in the roadway.

First off, changing tires is no big thing. I had a Volkswagen, I would take tires on and off every 3000 or so miles, except in winter when it was worth the money to let the professional deal with adjusting the valves and/or brakes. But here’s the thing. Even with aluminum rims, SUV tires* are mucho heavier. And I admit I haven’t been doing my situps lately. So, my back was a little sore. But then, Monday is my long run day in my running schedule, due to the vagueries of my job. It would have been far more enjoyable if it hadn’t felt like my spine was slowly grinding into my pelvic bone.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere for you.

*nails in two tires. By the grace of God only one went flat. The other was just a slow leak.

Scholars unsure if the resurrection of Jesus actually happened. It’s not even Easter. Why is ABC running this?

Since I only have a ton of yardwork to do tomorrow, I’m debating switching over to WordPress. But then, why mess with something that works fine? It’s not like I have bandwidth issues. I can’t decide.

More from the Eurovision competition.

Yeah, the repercussions of that went so well last time, do it again!

He said: “This was one of the methods they used, throwing the Koran, my Koran, on the floor in my cell.”

Oh noes! It’s a book! You can get another copy.

Time to bring back the Alien and Sedition Acts.

UPDATE: More

Nerds aren’t as socially inept as we might hope.

Frankly, Spacemonkey explains it better than everyone else.

We gotta get monitors like these.

via this appalling post. part I of the appalling post.

Congress has voted to replace the coolio color-code terror warnings with something more specific to be determined at a later date.

Hugh Hewitt vs. Terry Moran. Fantastic stuff.

via Inoperable Terran.

While the rioters and the instigators are to blame, printing the story wasn’t a genius move either, kids.

Since I’m on a roll here—a crusty sourdough roll with a piece of roast beef in it and some potato chips on the side—more on being fat.

Isn’t that like chemistry at Julliard?

Rove is a freaking genius!

Shoes control television time based on amount of exercise.

And speaking of diet and exercise, I’m going to go to Taco Bell for lunch now.

Is there any behavior that can’t be classified as an illness?

She concludes that one way of tackling the problem would be for obesity to be reclassified as an illness, and for people to understand that it’s a type of addiction, not greed.

In some cases obesity is caused by illness or physical problems, but other than those relatively few cases it is a behavior problem that some self-control would fix. Or Release: Weightloss that Works*.

*I have no idea if it works. Catchy jingle though.

How can a public school taking government dollars, ban a government organization?

The BBC is testing on-demand TV over the internet. Do it here.

via Slashdot

Al Qaeda, in a show of strength and continued relevance, calls Condoleeza Rice names.

“The crusaders’ hag (Rice) came to sully the land of the caliphate…and wants the participation of apostates and secularists claiming to be Sunnis,” the group led by Jordanian Abu Musab al-Zarqawi said in the statement posted on Tuesday on a Web site used by Islamists on Tuesday.

via Fark

HuffingtonPost.com has shown improvement over the last week. Interesting, infuriating and in-um-spiring, yeah that’s the ticket, inspiring* stuff over there.

*ymmv

The Great Nerd Riot of 2005.

Other nerds expressed their outrage by rioting at a nearby Star Trek convention, shouting such slogans as “Star Wars is the one true Space Saga!”, “There is no Star but Star Wars!”, “Death to Federation Infidels”, and “Jedi Akbar!” while pummeling helpless Trekkies with plastic light sabers.

Biometric identification will all end in tears.

While some of this is appalling,

22% say the government should be allowed to censor the press

some is blindingly obvious,

43% of the public says the press has too much freedom, while only 3% of journalists agree

via Tim Blair

Questions for those horrified by the Koran flushing.

To what San Francisco will regulate. Who knew?

XM on my cellphone would be cool.

It can’t be worse than the BBC version. Chronicles of Narnia preview. Good luck.

I know you don’t have anything better to do.

Obviously a slow news day in Melbourne, but this quote is awesome:

“We treated him on the scene for minor breathing difficulties but he was fine and then we scooted out and helped save the rest of Melbourne,” she said.

From exploding iPods or Godzilla or what?

via Slashdot

Cousin Marriage.

Cox and Forkum. It’s the mustache.

John goes from Apostle to Deity.

The suit states Byrne applied for vanity plates for his Ford pickup, submitting these three possibilities: “JOHN316,” “JN316” and “JN36TN.” The state rejected his request because it “refers to deity.”

John Cleese and Aardman’s together. I don’t see how it can’t be great.

via Fark

While I could see cellphones taking the place of flash-based players, I don’t think they are going to knock the bigger iPods out. Who wants to transfer 40 or 60 gigs everytime they get a new phone?

This will end with people eyeballs being stolen.

Huffingtontoast.com. I’m a sucker for a parody too.

Lileks goes off on the boomers. I’m just a sucker for that.

VDH

A society that cannot distinguish between the critical and the trivial of history predictably will also believe that a Scott Peterson deserves as much attention as the simultaneous siege of Fallujah, or that a presidential press conference should be preempted for Paris Hilton or Donald Trump.

Which is worse? The comment spam that dumps 1000 identical comments at once or the ones that trickle in one at time, all different? I can’t decide.

Ice cream man beats up mouthy customer.

The teen’s mother said she’s satisfied with the verdict, but complained that her son is now self-conscious about his weight.

That’s a shame. Maybe he could work out or something. Possibly take some sort of self defense class.

“I don’t know you! That’s my purse!”

19-inch “Laptop”.

Google = AOL?

Right Wing News put out 25 advices for successful blogging. Tim Blair improves on it.

Need one that looks like a Landspeeder?

I want to be able to store my mp3s on it though.

How much will GoldenPalace.com pay for me to walk around advertising for them?

Hmm. I find myself apathetic about what these people think concerning all those things they are talking about.

Bug in Mouth.

Classic stuff.

You know, you don’t have to do busy work. You guys could just go home and stop doing stupid stuff.

Star Wars review.

In Lego. God looks a little upset though.

Why continuity is so important in scifi.

Stories like that—about boring, conventional people with their petty love affairs and their tawdry sex antics, people whom one could not trust when the chips were down and an Imperial Battle Droid were attacking your spaceship!—are relatively easy to keep consistent.

via Reason

Advice for the Democrats.

What’s worse than snakes? Snakes with legs.

Okay, the new projector is installed. The day can start.

UPDATE: Apparently I didn’t miss much being busy this morning.